One of my biggest mistakes...

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Heath Ledger’s famous quote has stuck with me. It’s a familiar mistake, he has a familiar look in his eyes, and seeing it recently it set me wondering about similar big mistakes I have made. Here’s the ones I can think of right now:

• I thought people realised they were going to die. 

They think they do, but if they really did – if they really understood the crass finality of it all - they wouldn’t spend all the time they do on trivial crap and they might take a little more care with each other – because, from that perspective, it’s all we have in common. We’re all dying. 

Imagine you are trapped in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean. No hope of rescue. An hour to live. How would you treat people then?

• I thought people were like me.

 Man, it took me so long to figure out that they weren’t. I guess we all do that – we ‘project’ onto other people, imagining they see and feel things the way we do. How else could it be? And it takes really big things – massive, disruptive things, to understand just how different people are.

• I thought you could share an original thought. 

You can’t. If it’s really original then the words you use will only ever serve to describe something people have thought before. You’ll say the original thing and it’s like you’ve slipped into a lost language. You have to turn it into a popular song, and then it won't be the original thought anymore.

• I thought smart people were the ones who made progress. 

Smart people are more likely to be the ones stopping it. Maybe school does that to them. Academics are the worst – they are so deeply personally invested in a point of view that it is impossible for them to be objective or see things differently. It’s all pretence. Progress is made by people who see things more clearly - and I’m sorry I can’t tell you how that works, but it starts with seeing things differently.

• I thought people in positions of responsibility would be better than average. 

I went to an event recently where the guest speaker was some ex-CEO of one of the biggest companies in the world. He was an idiot. He was crass, insensitive, shallow. I have met great CEOs, but probably more great taxi drivers. People in positions of power may just be there because they were desperate to be there, or are good with numbers, or just lucky. Treat the CEO with the same respect you do the janitor.

• I thought there were bad guys and good guys. 

There are no bad guys – everybody is the hero in their own little screenplay. Everyone believes they are doing the right thing.

• I thought people welcomed difference.

I was fortunate. I grew up in international schools surrounded by difference - different cultures, different perspectives. Since then I have found the vast majority of people attack difference wherever they find it. They do this while simultaneously singing the praises of diversity, innovation and inclusivity. I'm pretty sure they don't realise this is what they are doing.

• I thought truth was something you could grasp. 

Instead it's just something you can chase. You can be ahead of people in the chase, though.

• I thought people could change.

I guess sometimes they do. But I have been so staggered by the sheer gravity of a person's destiny;  seeing them struggle to escape and never break orbit - and just how predictably their personal tragedy plays out despite everything they try to do. It takes something huge - monumental - to even put a dent in that trajectory.

Post Script:

People struggle with the first one. It's like the 'live each day as your last' thing - I mean, if this was my last day I sure as hell wouldn't be spending my weekend on next week's project plan. So I get that we have to believe we have a future in order to enjoy the present. But here's how I think about it: projects, achievements, companies - they are all sandcastles. They will all be washed away on the next tide. So picture yourself at the beach, with friends and family. You are marching up and down yelling at people, frustrated about the shell-placement, worried the castle won't be complete on time. Barking at kids that this has to be 'the best castle ever!'. You don't want to be that idiot. Play nicely, have fun - the memories of the day at the beach will outlast the castles you built.