Authenticity and political correctness

Growing up, it was normal to make fun of people for being fat. People did it on TV, we did it in playgrounds, doctors and louts alike would have a go at people for being fat.

Today, I wouldn’t do that – I would consider that to be rude, hurtful and likely to be described as ‘fat shaming’.

People sometimes imagine that ‘woke culture’ is all about inauthenticity – about people hiding what they really think. I don’t believe that to be true. I think it is about change and difference – about how culture changes, and about how human beings struggle to cope with difference.

I almost never say the first thing that comes into my head – and this is one of the things I am most proud of. I am proud of taking the time to listen, to hold my prejudices in check, to being open to being proved wrong, proud of caring about the consequences of what I might say.

Human beings are comprised of two sets of emotional reactions – the instinctive reactions they have in the moment, and the reflective reactions they have to imagined situations:

you see a donut, you want to eat it, but you know you will regret it later so you don’t. That’s something you should be proud of. Or: you see a donut, you want to take it, but you know that you would become a thief by doing so, and that’s not how you want to feel about yourself. It's not about staying slim, it's about what you aspire to be.

A common mistake is presuming that a person’s instinctive reactions are their ‘real, authentic’ self. They are not. When people are drunk, they act more instinctively. That doesn’t mean we see the ‘real you’ when you are drunk. ‘You’ are the sum of the decisions you take, decisions which come about as you think about what to do. Doing and saying the first thing that comes into your head doesn’t make you more authentic – it just makes you an insensitive idiot.

The problem is that people get attached to beliefs, and as culture moves on they find it hard to let go. Men who have grown up thinking that a woman’s place is in the kitchen may be sensitive enough to know that culture has moved on, but unable to let go of the feelings they grew up with. This builds some kind of psychological tension, and they end up blurting out their prejudices in a moment of weakness, or going on social media and saying offensive things.

But look – this is just growth. This is a problem only for people who cannot change. Growth is always about changing your mental model of the world. If you can’t change your mental model, and the world moves on – you are going to get hurt. It’s not somebody else’s fault. It’s just how it feels when you can’t cope with change. When you can't adapt to difference.

Should we just go along with whatever ‘woke culture’ says then? No. Nobody is asking you to toe the line. People change their views through (respectful) conversation. When you see a difference of opinion, head into the conversation rather than retreating into prejudice. You may encounter people whose opinions are brittle, and who refuse to listen. I promise you, they will lose out in the long term.

As Heraclitus once said ‘dogs bark at things they don’t recognise’. Be less dog.

Image: cottonbro